Planet Cataclysm

False Alarm!

2007-02-18T09:50:00.000Z

So after days of panicking, I finally went out to learn if the witch lady from the beach had predicted the correct future when looking up my bagingo and got a pregnancy test. Turns out she was wrong. There are no baby girls in my near future. Which gets me thinking, whose bagingo was she looking up?

How I Spoil Everything

2007-02-15T17:53:00.000Z

Ok, so we're having a really good time and it's our last full day in paradise. What do I do? I passout from heat exhustion! That's right! I'm standing by a little stand on the beach and all of a sudden everything goes black. I find myself laying on a beach chair with my legs up in the air and some local lady telling me I'm pregnent with a little girl. How messed up is that? That story is weird but what makes it scary is that I was wearing a long skirt at the time and no underwear. Try coming out of a blackout and having your bagingo on display! Maybe that's how she knew I was pregnent!

P.S. I don't think I am, but if and when I find out you'll all know!

Barbados

2007-02-13T16:58:00.000Z

Where do I start?

The resort is beautiful. Even before we got here, flying over the calm blue ocean was enough to scare the depression right out of my body. When we got here, it was hot. And I do mean hot. The average temperature has been around 35.

The food is so delicious. I try and have the local food as often as I can. That mostly consists of fish and seafood. I have been pigging out so much I don't know if I'll be able to fit in the economy seat on the flight back. What a fantastic reason to ask for an upgrade.

So far we've spent most of our days laying in the sun reading books. We did go snorkeling the other day and saw sunken ships and coral reefs. I also saw flying fish and when I got back to the resort looked them up and found out that Barbados use to historically be known as "The Land of the Flying Fish" but now due to the harbour they opened up near Bridgetown (capital of Barbados) the pollution has driven them away from the area (there is your informative part of this entry).

We fly back Thursday but don't actually get to England until Friday. If this entry isn't making a lot of sense or the grammar and spelling is all over the place, its probably because I have just come out of the sun and may have a little sun stroke. LOL Who cares?? I have a tan!!!

I miss all of my Maidstone crew! I know I'm sad, here I am in the sun, in the company of very old and retired people and all I can think about are my pale and pasty, gorgeous friends back home. I do miss you all even though you're now cursing my name because I'm not there for half term and someone else has to pull all day shifts in Children's. I say HAHA to all of you!

Anyway, I can't wait to see you all. Hope we can all go out to lunch on Monday (as long as it's not my turn to pay)!

Full Figured Women!

2007-01-14T19:46:00.000Z

My hunt for bikinis has taken me to some really dodgy websites and shops. Finding swimwear for full figured women is impossible! Online, you will find websites like this one that have size 4 models modelling full figured swimwear. How the hell am I suppose to know what these bikinis look like on me?

Then of course there's actually going into the shops and trying them on. Now every women out there reading this will agree with me that trying out swimwear is the most horrible chore in the world! You actually go into the changing rooms with the same bikini but in three different sizes. None of them will fix right, naturally, and you end up going home more depressed than when you left, keeping in mind that when you left home you KNEW you were going bikini shopping and would come home empty handed!

I HATE SKINNY PEOPLE!

New Year, New Me!

2007-01-08T17:41:00.000Z

This winter hit me hard. As many of you know I suffer from SAD. I go from a cheery, bubbly person in the summer, to a miserable and very depressed person in the winter. The problem is that I get quite sick as well and this results in me not being able to workout. Well, not anymore!

You see, my husband has had a very stressful winter. Having had a project deadline recently, I hadn't seen much of him and when I did conversation was minimal. So to make it up to me he has decided to take me away on holiday. The only catch is that last time we went on holiday to a sunny destination, I promised him that I wouldn't wear a bikini on that holiday but would definitely wear one on the next one. Now for any of you that know me, this is not good. I have less than a month to get fit enough to into a bikini! For those of you that don't know me, just picture Dawn French in a bikini and you've pretty much got the idea!

I've begged and pleaded but a promise is a promise. So because I can't get out of it, I have started a three week super diet which involves a lot of exercise and becoming good friends with starvation! It probably won't work and you'll most likely end up watching the news one day and hear about a beached whale found at the Crystal Cove Resort in Barbados and be horrified that you recognize me when the cameraman finally gets the courage to zoom in. I apologize in advanced. Let's just hope they don't show it during dinner time.

2007!

2007-01-02T18:11:00.000Z

So we are in the new year and so far I haven't left my bed. Unfortunately, it's not what you think. I held one amazing new years party where I spent the evening with friends and family. I had such a good time that it actually restored my faith in this time of the year. After drinking and eating way too much, I finally crashed around 5am and woke up in pain. Nope not a hang over, worse, I am sick yet again!

I hope this isn't an omen for this new year. One of my new years resolutions is to lose weight but I'm really getting tired of losing weight in this method! It's true that I can eat whatever I want but its the way it comes out again that's starting to bug me a bit.

I apologize to those readers out there that have accidentally come across my blog and find themselves reading about my illnesses. You had no idea what you were getting yourselves into and for that I'm very sorry. For those who know me and have read my other posts...well, you brought that onto yourselves didn't you?

Anyway, I hope to be back at work soon but it's not looking good. Especially since it has taken me nearly an hour to write this post between bathroom breaks and nodding off!

Happy New Year to everyone out there and I wish you all a NORMAL and BORING year. Trust me, excitement is overrated!

Finally, Christmas is OVER!

2006-12-27T09:11:00.000Z

So this is Christmas and what have I done? Nothing! I got a few cool presents but to me, Christmas will never be the same as it was when I was a kid. My family didn't have a lot of money so presents like bikes were not an everyday thing like they seem to be for kids these days. It was something to look forward to. The only thing was that I lived in Canada and getting a bike in the middle of winter wasn't all that much fun either! But still, there was that build up to Christmas that I just don't get anymore and very much miss if I'm honest.

This year we spent Christmas day at my in-laws. I forgot my book at home so I guess I inflicted the five hour wait for dinner with nothing to do on myself. Thanks to a very thoughtful friends' gift though, I wasn't all that bored. The gift was a Little Miss Somersault book and I ended up reading it over and over and over for most of the afternoon. By the time dinner came around I was slowly loosing the will to live!

All in all, Christmas this year was very much like every other Christmas I've had since I was fourteen. It's just no big deal. And I think that maturity comes with ages because I have finally learnt that life sucks and you just have to get on with it!

Appeal

2006-12-16T12:19:00.000Z

This is an appeal on behalf of every poor soul that has to work in a library during this time of the year. Please put your Christmas shopping aside, forget about all the last minute plans for Christmas dinner and go to your local library. There, you can pick up a book about summer and calmer times. With these FREE books you can curl up under a blanket and forget all about how horrible it is outside! Please, these poor souls are depending on you to fill their day with issuing and discharging. They need you! Won't you please find it in your hearts to save the sanity of these poor library workers?

Winter Time Sucks!

2006-12-10T12:03:00.000Z

I hate winter. It's cold, it's dark and it's miserable. I go through insane mood swings every year around this time. I'll go from being on top of the world one day to being in bed and fast asleep by 7:30pm on others. Much to my amusement, my mood swings seems to really unnerve my line manager. He hasn't a clue how to talk to me from one day to the next. It entertains me to no end.

My poor friends and family on the other hand, just seem to ignore me. Which I think is wise. There's one friend at the moment who is doing his best to keep me happy. He's doing a fantastic job but I fear for his mental stability. I only give him a few more months, poor guy before he loses his mind completely. He had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Anyway, with Christmas on its way, everything seems to get on my nerves. People packing out my favourite lunchtime restaurants during the week, people clogging up the roads first thing on a Saturday morning when I have to get to work and worst of all, people stopping in front of you to greet a friend when you're in a hurry! All this being kind to your fellow man is just a plot to annoy everyone. I hate this time of year!

On a more cheerful note, congratulations Neath! He's gorgeous! Best Wishes to you and your family on this joyous Christmas Season!

(Yes I see my hypocrisy, but I do have a soft spot for kids. After all, aren't kids what Christmas is all about?)

Canterbury

2006-11-15T22:37:00.000Z

Went to Canterbury today and spent the whole day spending money I didn't have. Until two weeks ago I was a Canterbury virgin. I had no idea what I was missing. The city is gorgeous. I can spend the whole day walking around and not really notice how much I'm spending until I get home.

I didn't make this trip by myself though. Rhub was the one that introduced me to this lovely city and he's been the brave soul to escort me twice now on my adventures through Canterbury.

every time we go, we seem to follow the same routine. It involves a hot chocolate at Costas in Maidstone, lunch at Marlows in Canterbury and getting wasted at a pub before catching the train to Faversham and being driven home by one VERY understanding husband. In the meantime, we walk around and shop. I'm telling you, life is good!

Christmas Display

2006-11-12T20:59:00.000Z

I'm in bed all warm and cozy, surfing the net to try and come up with an idea for a Christmas display for the children's library where I work. My manager wants to have a meeting tomorrow morning to discuss ideas. Because it has to be PC, we can't have any religious images, unless of course we include every other religion celebrating around this time. Only then can we maybe have a guiding star or a wise man. It's also come to my attention that the word "Christmas" may also be out of the question as it has the word "Christ" in it.

I'm tempted just to propose a snowman in a snow storm theme. All we would have to do is cover all the displays with white paper and have done with it!

I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

2006-11-10T07:10:00.000Z

For the third night in a row I haven't been able to get into a deep sleep. Every time I nod off I dream about work. People doing everything but their jobs.

At the moment, myself and my partner in crime Garita, are slowly working our way through a management shift. New managers, new ideas. Its keeping up with it all that's the challenge. The constant not knowing where we stand is the main reason for MY lack of sleep. Poor Garita is feeling the pressure a bit more than me though, having the stress of moving house to deal with as well.

I just wish that we could work as a team instead of being treated like we can't do our jobs and should be supervised at all times!

Husbands

2006-11-05T14:12:00.000Z

You know, husbands get a lot of grief now a days. They are expected to be good providers AND be good with kids AND do chores AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST be amazing lovers. It's no wonder that men feel a little overwhelmed sometimes.

I know, I know, women will let you believe they have it harder but to be quite honest, outside the actual pregenacy and giving birth part, women and men have about the same level of stress placed on them.

Men feel inferior if they don't bring home enough money whilst women are constantly battling to keep the figures they had when their husbands first met them. Once children come into the picture most of the focus is placed on them and most of the love life is retired. Women feel fat, husbands feel ignored and everyone blames each other.

I think as a woman I should step up and give husbands their due. True you're not perfect but hey life wouldn't be the same without you.

Life is Funny Sometimes

2006-11-05T01:27:00.000Z

Today, for the first time in weeks, I had a spare moment to turn on my laptop and finally update my blog. It took me two weeks to get over my jet lag. It was horrible. I couldn't get enough sleep and my mood swings were impossible. Instead of doing essenial things like going online or doing chores, I just slept and tried to stay out of trouble at work whilst being in a complete daze.

I've been miserable company for all of my friends. I feel quite sorry for one friend in particular. He's going through a hard time at the moment and I've just burdened him with my problems. He's been a great friend and I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly thank him. Thanks.

Well, because I haven't been myself recently, I've fallen behind on everything. My house work, my reading, my blogging (as many of you have probably noticed), etc. And the thing is, the longer I don't feel like doing any of these things, the further behind I get. And the further behind I get, the more I don't feel like doing anything. A vicious cycle. Hopefully, I can sleep through my one day off (tomorrow) and ignore life's little responsibilities for yet another week.

By the way, Happy Belated Birthday Neath!

Have a Safe Trip

2006-10-12T17:06:00.000+01:00

This goes out to Nigs the Ninja: Have a great time in China and I'll see you in two weeks time.

Everyone else: Sorry guys but I'M COMING BACK!!!

See you all Monday.

Check Out My New Baby

2006-10-11T14:22:00.000+01:00

She drives beautifully. The engine purrs like a kitten. The acceleration is breathe taking. But she uses petrol like no ones business. I took her out yesterday to do a few errands and she used up half a tank of petrol. Still, you can fit three bodies into the boot and still seat five in the car comfortably. Perfect for a growing family or your typical gangster.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-10-08T17:50:00.000+01:00

So I drove today for the first time in two years. Oh the power. It was fantastic! After getting my confidence back I decided to rent a car for Tuesday and Wednesday to do all those last minute Christmas present purchases. So if anyone really wants something for Christmas, now is the time to ask. It doesn't mean I'll get it for you but you can ask and hope anyway.

How has life in Canada been? I'm glad you asked. I love my family very much but I can't wait to get home. I forgot how loud everyone is. I've had one long headache since the day I got here. I'm use to living alone with my husband. Here there is never less than five people at home. The other day there were ten of us at the dinner table. And THIS IS NORMAL!!! It's a good thing I get back on a Friday because at least that way I have a whole weekend to recover before heading back to work.

Anyway, I'm missing all of you and can't wait to see you again. I leave you with this puzzle: Can you spot the Turkey?

Bring it on!

2006-10-06T00:05:00.000+01:00

I've been here two days and I've put on 2 stone! Every chance they get, they stuff food down my mouth! If I keep this up, they will have to widen the doors at work.

Message for Rhub: Start putting on some weight because if you don't, you'll freeze that non-ass of yours when you become my full-time nanny in Canada.

In Canada

2006-10-04T23:33:00.000+01:00

Just so you don't go mad from missing me, I thought I would update you on how my trip has been going so far. I pre-booked seats on both my flight to Canada and my flight back. I told the lady at Globespan (the company I booked my flight with) that I need a little bit more room because I can't handle small places. I paid an additional 14 pounds and thought stupidly that I would get the seat I requested. I got on the plane and found that I was booked in the middle seat of the middle row. I freaked! I begged the lady next to me to switch and thanks to 6F (I was booked to 6E), I had a lovely flight (excluding the 5 month old in the seat behind me who screamed the whole way).

My old place is exactly as I left it 2 years ago. Mum didn't even change the date on the calendar in my room. It was like walking into Miss. Havisham's room without all the dust and wedding stuff. But it didn't seem to bother me all that much. After having traveled for more than 20 hours, I would have slept anywhere.

My mum didn't recognize me right away. She thought I was one of my brother's girlfriends for a brief moment. Then when she realized it was me, she automatically figured my husband and I has had a fight. My dad, on the other hand, said "Great! Another mouth to feed!" (jokingly, of course....I think).

Every chance my mum gets, she stuffs food down my mouth. I'm too thin for her liking. Two years ago, she was telling my husband not to buy me chocolate because I was too chubby, being a whole stone heavier. I can honestly say I will never understand my mum.

This message is for Rhub: To answer your question about the flight, please see above. And just so you don't go mental and kill all the smelly people at work on a mass rampage...you read too much and don't pay for lunch often enough. Hopefully that was enough of an insult to keep you sane. Keep posted for updated insults.

Hot Air Ballooning

2006-09-18T21:41:00.000+01:00

Well, after one cancellation, we managed to go hot air ballooning yesterday. It was fantastic! We went up 2500 feet, so not THAT high up and traveled nearly 10 miles, taking off from Marden Beach and landing in Doddington. The brochures said we could travel anywhere between 3 and 5 miles so we did quick well. The poor people who went ballooning last week has no wind and ended up circling Leeds Castle for 45 mins.

The view was gorgeous but on the way down I got vertigo. Now for anyone who has never experienced it, its really scary! I felt like I needed to be sick and then my vision went. I was blind for about five minutes without actually losing conciseness. I don't think the fumes and heat from the burners helped either. Lets just say that on the way home I was quite sick (thankfully not in the car because hubby pulled to the side on time).

Here are some of the pictures we took if anyone is interested!

My New Broom

2006-09-14T22:47:00.000+01:00

I go through stages where EVERYTHING must be spotless and at the moment I'm at the peak of one of these stages. Now, everyone knows that a new broom is the key to a clean kitchen and so to kill Neath's and Rhub's curiosity, I have posted a picture of my brand new broom, fresh from swiping my kitchen floor. Having told them all about it at work, they have been dying to see it. Isn't she a beauty? Jealous or what?

Star Trek's 40th

2006-09-08T20:41:00.000+01:00

Today, the Star Trek series celebrated it's 40th anniversary and to acknowledge it, the BBC invited Brent Spiner (better known as "Data") onto it's morning program. Pretty exciting stuff considering what's been in the headlines lately. Unfortunately, not only does Brent have to follow an interview with former Vice president of the United States, Al Gore (which by the way was also pretty exciting stuff), the presenter of the morning program had quite obviously NEVER watched an episode of Star Trek in her life.

Let me set this up for you. Moments before this interview started there was a scene from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where "Q", a 'god', has given "Data" the gift of emotions. Just as "Q" leaves the Enterprise (the name of the star ship the show is set on), "Data" bursts out laughing not knowing why but loves the 'feeling'. Being an android and not having feelings, this was quite a gift.

Now that I have set it up for you, listen to the first statement the morning presenter makes: Brent Spiner Interview.

Brent got his own back with his comment about the original cast's mothers having to make their costumes due to lack of funding. Honestly, the BBC's standards surprise me sometimes.

No Wonder People Don't Send Letters Anymore!

2006-09-06T10:03:00.000+01:00

It's my brothers birthday next week and so this morning I sent him a birthday card. I went to the post office and asked for a 68p international stamp. Well, first they told me that in April the prices went up to 72p and then when they realized that it was for a letter going overseas (goodness knows why else they thought I wanted an international stamp), they said they had to weigh it. Well, apparently, a letter with a birthday card in it qualifies as OVERSIZED!! I had to pay Â£1.20! What would have to be in the envelope for me to pay only 72p? I'm thinking maybe a one page note pad sheet. In other words the content of A SHORT EMAIL!! It's no wonder people don't send letters anymore. With more and more people having similar experiences to mine, the demand on the postal system is decreasing, forcing the post office to increase their prices even more. A vicious cycle I guess but after this morning I have no sympathy at all!

That Sounds About Right

2006-09-04T20:40:00.000+01:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Sorry!

2006-09-03T17:53:00.000+01:00

This apology goes out to Neath. I haven't been able to post on my blog recently because it wouldn't let me logon. Apparently, having to continuously look at my broken toilet has driven him to the point of sabotage! Between you and me, he says it was the person that works on the timetables that has put me on a service point all day twice in a row. But I know for a fact that that person wasn't in during those two days and the timetable changed during the day!

I'm really really sorry Neath that I made you look at my toilet for weeks on end but its over now, see? All gone. You can call off the sabotage plans. I promise from now on I will only stick to pimping your brother online and nothing else!

Powerful Bladder

2006-08-14T19:06:00.000+01:00

Today at work, one of my co-workers said she knew it was me in the next stall in the loo because of my loud peeing! I was horrified. But then I come home and use my own toilet and it went right through the floor! That's right. I have one hell of a bladder! I wonder if it would be considered a weapon of mass destruction if properly harnessed.

Listen up Ladies!

2006-08-08T20:36:00.000+01:00

I have a friend who is looking for a woman who:

1. Is Rich
2. Gorgeous
3. Can Draw
4. Is In a Band
5. Loves Comic Books

If you match this description, CONGRATULATIONS! I have the perfect guy for you. He is:

1. Not Rich
2. Is Not Bad To Look At
3. Appreciates Art
4. Gets Turned On By Women In Bands
5. Loves Comic Books

For further details just leave your email address in the comments section and I'll forward you several inappropriate pictures taken under suspicious circumstances.

Debate

2006-07-29T22:08:00.000+01:00

England
vs
Canada

Now as some of you may or may not know I am Canadian. I moved to England to marry the love of my life and haven't looked back since. After two years we have decided to settle somewhere and start a family. We both agreed that if the Canadian government allowed me to sponsor my husband we would move back and settle there. The problem is that now I am having doubts. I have some amazing friends in England and don't want to leave them. On the other hand, my whole family is in Canada and would like to watch my kids grow up.

This is where you come in. I want you to give me some pros and cons for either Canada or England to help me make my decision. If all else fails, I can always toss a coin.

STRESS!

2006-07-25T22:45:00.000+01:00

You can say what you want about Americans but I have to admit I love their in your face attitude at times. The last few months at work have been hell! Instead of dealing with problems like 'Americans', and by this I mean actually confronting someone you have a problem with and working out a solution, I have been entangled in a web of secrets, gossip and dirty underhanded lies.

As a result I have started taking long power walks around the village every other day. Some days when work has been really stressful I push myself too hard and come home completely paralysed on my right side from a mother of all stitches. But I have to admit they help (the walks not the stitches). When the pain starts to get to me I just think of all the little nasty comments said to me that day and imagine all the clever comebacks I would respond with if I had the courage. I never remember them when I need them though. The words "Oh yeah, well, ..." comes to mind and then I just submit and swallow yet another contradicting instruction or take the blame for something new they decided to blame on me.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. At the moment its the tension I can't stand. I come home so tired I haven't the energy to read. I've been reading the same book for nearly a month now and it's only 180 pages! Needless to say this is the same reason why I haven't had any entries either. I know its sad but hey, we can't all be like Neath. The guys manages to post messages WITHOUT A CONNECTION! Now that's skill.

Act Now!

2006-06-26T18:58:00.000+01:00

Ladies, listen up because I have the latest and most effective diet, guaranteed to having you drop those unwanted pounds in weeks! No, this isn't one of those Hollywood diets where they tell you to eat nothing but cabbage soup for a week. This diet goes one step further than that. You can lose up to five pounds within two weeks with a combination food poisoning and common cold program. That's right. It is possible!

Take me for example. Two weeks ago I couldn't keep anything down for three days due to food poisoning and this week I'm at home with a cold that has left me bed bound with no appetite. And I have lost a grand total of five pounds!! That's right, FIVE POUNDS. Now I bet you're thinking to yourselves that you can't be as luck as I am and get both food poisoning AND a cold within that time period but with my low low cost program I CAN guaranteed that not only will you get violently sick but you may also start suffering from other ailments resulting in further weight loss.

For only £45.99 I will send you a half cooked hamburger cooked under suspicious conditions and I will bring round a group of sick volunteers to expose you to any virus you want (you can choose a virus from our catalogue online that ranges from the common cold to bronchitis). Act now! Supplies are going fast!

What a 'Sick' Concert

2006-06-13T11:33:00.000+01:00

The latest slang for 'cool' in Toronto is 'sick'. For example: if a nice car drives by, I might turn around and say 'Wow, what a cool car!' whereas my 16 year old brother would exclaim, 'Wow, that car is sick!'. Today I use the word sick in both meanings.

On Sunday, my hubby and I went to see a Bon Jovi concert. It was amazing or 'sick'. Nickleback was one of the warm-up acts, which made it even more worth while. Everything was going beautifully until the V.I.P. tent nearly burnt down due to the BBQ setting alight, then things started going pear shaped. The concert didn't start until 6pm which would have been ok if my hubby and I hadn't been there since 2pm and now had to sit out in the sun because our V.I.P. tent was taken away. Now I know what you're saying, good riddance to the wealthy and their prestigious first class comforts. Although I understand your jealousy, I must say that yes, I do like the comforts of having toilet paper handy when using the loo. I know its crazy but I've just gotten use to these kind of commodities.

Anyway, once the concert was on its way, everything was sick! The atmosphere, the music...everything but the food that is. You see, not having our own private BBQ anymore, my hubby and I had to stoop down to the degrading level of the other 65 000 people at the concert and buy our dinner from food vendors operating from open side vans. Now if you think that you just can't read on because rich bastards like myself shouldn't have the right to complain about what common folk go through everyday, you'll be very happy to know that as I write this entry, I am laying in bed suffering from what was thought to be acute food poisoning but turns out to just be good old ordinary food poisoning.

You see, unlike the other 65 000 people at the concert, I am not use to raw, germ infested 'meat'. Perhaps in future I may start buying the occasional hamburger from vendors on the high street to increase my tolerance. But as I pause now to use the bucket by my bedside and wipe my mouth on the towel laying next to it, I think that perhaps I’ll just stick to salads for the time being.

This Blog was Brought to you Today by the Letter 'B'

2006-06-04T22:01:00.000+01:00

Neath has asked me to write out ten words beginning with the letter ’B’ and explain what they mean to me. I have complied because technically he is my ’boss’ and he scares me a little. Here are my ten words and considering the week I’ve had , it’s a surprise there weren’t any family unfriendly words on this list.

Bender - Yes, the lovable robot from Futurama that tells it how it is and doesn’t care what any ‘meat bag’ thinks. I hope that all the bending units of the future are just like him.

Baboon - A fantastic nickname for the moronic ignoramus that cuts you off on your drive home when you have the kids in the car. Also, in my opinion, the funniest looking monkey on earth. And people say God doesn’t have a sense of humour!

Buffy - For all those who know me, this show is a real thorn in my side. Most guys I have spoken to say the reason why they enjoyed the series was the way the script was written and how the characters were developed. Yeah, like the blonde in tight skimpy clothes has nothing to do with it.

Baileys - Ah, Baileys. Always there to listen, no matter what time of the day. Doesn’t judge me and is forever smooth on the way down. Here’s to us my friend.

Belly - It’s been there my whole life and no matter how hard I try it just won’t go away. So, at the ripe old age of 25, I have decided that it can stay. Besides, I’m almost certain its presence has something to do with my good old friend, Baileys.

Braces - I’m talking about the kind that go on your teeth. The same kind I had in my mouth for five years and still came out with teeth so pointed outwards they look as if they are leading me towards water.

Backwash - I say what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.

Bush (as in president George W.) - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* HAHAHAHAHAHA…

Balloon (as in hot air) - A bit of material attached to a basket, propelled by hot air and not to mention £150 a pop. Happy Birthday to me! Nice.

Baloney - Another one of those words with an interesting double meaning. On the one hand you have a disgusting attempt at lunchmeat and on the other hand, you have a fantastic word to use when telling someone that what they are saying is a load of sh*t.

So there you have it Neath. Now you know the sad goings-on in my head.

Nutrition vs Prison Bait

2006-05-30T21:08:00.000+01:00

There has been a lot of press recently about how changing a child’s diet can actually reduce their hyper activity. Cut out the sugar in little Robert’s food and his desire to burn his parents’ house down with them peacefully sleeping inside, diminishes slightly. But how did all this research get started? Who came up with the initial connection? Jamie Oliver and his school dinners? Nope, not quite.

Apparently this kind of research has been going on in the states since the 1970’s. Scientists observed that the amount of sugar we eat has increased significantly due to the amount of processed foods in our diet. This observation is all well and good but to prove it’s correct, scientists had to test it out. And who better than inmates in prison who are a) hard ass, out of control and the definition of anti-social “hyper” people and b) obliged to do as they are told or be beaten!

So how fantastic is this? The scientists divided the inmates into two groups, giving one group supplements and the other placebos. Only the researchers knew about the experiment. No one else, not the guards, nor the inmates were clued into what was taking place. But I bet someone must have started to suspect something was up when Buba started cross-stitching and Snake began inviting everyone over to his cell for tea and scones.

Personally, I would be really cheesed off if I were one of these inmates. Imagine being one of the biggest hard asses at that prison. Everyone feared you. You controlled everything from who got what drugs to how often the quiet pansy boy got a full nights rest. Then a couple of scientists come along with an ‘idea’ and BAM, you’re discussing patterns and wool quality with the prison librarian!

Ok, so the changes were not that drastic but I’d still be upset about having someone mess with my head.

Anyway, the scientists were right about their observations hence the media feast and Jamie Oliver milking all the publicity he can get. The most worrying part of this research is that apparently we are what we eat and the enormous amounts of sugary and processed foods we ingest are not only affecting how we behave but it’s also affecting our perception and insight of the world around us. This means “that a nutritionally deprived person may not have the mental faculties to differentiate between right or wrong, or appropriate and inappropriate behaviour”. So in a nutshell, if we as a society do not change our appetite for fast and sugary foods, we will continue spiralling downhill until not only will we all be horribly obese, we will continuously make fat jokes at the wrong times with inappropriate gestures.

In the Beginning

2006-05-29T10:35:00.000+01:00

Here for the masses is my new blog. This will be my platform from which I will share with you the disturbing goings-on that occurs in my head everyday. It will more than likely be a random rant about some event that has happened or about a new recipe or book I have found and can't keep to myself. But the name of the blog reflects my one true passion; talking about how we are killing the planet we live on. Talking about information that is wildly available to the world yet we choose to either ignore it or just do nothing about it due to politics, money and/or laziness.

For readers of my other on-going blog - Ola amigos, esto e o meu novo blog. Eu vou trabalhar no meu outro blog tembem so nao ficam preocupados. Beijos!

Enjoy everyone!